Embrace your Kryptonite

So much has been written about the importance of learning from failures, yet we tend to focus more of our energy on our successes and our strengths.  When I first became an executive coach, I struggled to find a way to get clients to be more vulnerable and to talk openly about their weaknesses.  This is not surprising as discussing weaknesses is often uncomfortable, yet we all have them.  In fact, the best leaders I know tend to be fully self-aware.  Meaning they are clear on their strengths and their weaknesses.

To frame this discussing for coaching clients I landed upon the superman analogy and it has been highly effective for me over the past 20 years coaching leaders.  We are all aware of Superman’s strengths.  He can leap tall buildings in a single bound, is faster than a locomotive, has x-ray vision, can fly, and can bend steel.  What separates superman from all other superheroes is the fact that we know about his weakness.  Superman has told the world that Kryptonite is his weakness.  He believes in the goodness of humankind and is confident that by sharing his weakness with the world, more people will shield him from it than use it against him.  This is a great concept for coaching leaders.

Rather than asking clients to divulge their weaknesses, I ask them two questions:

1)      What is your Groove?  What makes you better, special, or different.  This is another way of asking about their superpowers.

2)      What is your Kryptonite?

Asking about their Kryptonite is a more disarming way to open a conversation about weaknesses.  Because it is associated with Superman and it has a cool name, people are more willing to be vulnerable and to have the conversation.  When asking clients about their Kryptonite, I ask them to be very specific about what it is, where it comes from, what they have done to cope with it and most importantly, how many people have you told about your Kryponite?

That last question, how many people have you told about your Kryptonite and why haven’t you told more people, is the most critical coaching question that I ask.  It is our desire to be invulnerable that sends our guard up and stops us for being more open about our Kryptonite. 

I have made significant breakthroughs with coaching clients through the Groove and Kryptonite discussion.  Once a client realizes the low risk in being more open about their Kryptonite, the more they come to realize that transparency, authenticity, and vulnerability are seen by others as strengths rather than weaknesses.  Perfection is intimidating and no one is perfect, so we tend to be more skeptical and less trusting of people and things that seem too good to be true.  This is an important lesson for leaders to learn.  The imperfect person admits that they have more to learn, they are open to the ideas of others and they are focused on self-improvement.  It is impossible to coach a know it all. 

I built a custom 360 instrument that I utilize with clients, the Groove360. In addition to likert scale questions, there is an open ended section in the 360 where I specifically ask raters to define the person’s Groove and their Kryptonite. This is usually one of the most eye opening and important components of the feedback tool. When I present the feedback to clients, we discuss the consistency and alignment of their raters responses to the Groove and Kryptonite questions. If the constituents answers are inconsistent or not aligned with the self-rating, then we create a clear path forward to share more openly and to build better self-awareness.

Developing a deeper understanding of one’s fears and insecurities is important if we are to improve ourselves.  We have to dissect those fear and understand the root cause.  Was there a person or an event that rooted this fear or insecurity?  Why do we carry it with us?  How can we overcome it?  Can we overcome it?  If not, how do we own it, embrace it and recognize that it is part of who we are.

Leadership has evolved and the style and types of leaders that are most successful today are more open, collaborative, and empathetic than in the past.  Getting leaders to be more self-aware and to see leadership as an individual pursuit can be tricky.  We tend to idolize other leaders, read their biographies, watch their TEDTalks and try to emulate them.  This is a mistake.  While we can learn from watching others, leadership is really about individuality.  Each person must get to know their own groove, kryptonite and style that makes them effective and happy.  Leadership to me is the pursuit of self-awareness. 

As a follow up activity to reading this write down the following:

What is my Groove? 

What is my Kryptonite?

How many people have I told about my Kryptonite and who will I tell about it going forward?

To learn more about Groove Management’s executive coaching or our Groove360 please give us a call or shoot us an email.