Recently I presented a webinar on Unlocking The Power of Self-Awareness. The webinar was for individuals who have suffered a job loss because of Covid-19. I focused much of the material on self-awareness, resilience, and tactics to move forward. At the end of the webinar a question came in that so many of us are dealing with.

How do you encourage your spouse/partner who is in transition because Covid-19 caused them to lose their job? This must be especially difficult if the person who lost their job is the breadwinner – they are likely feeling a lot of anxiety and pressure.

This is a tough situation that is impacting 40 million Americans and their households. Sometimes being the supporter of someone going through a job loss can be even harder than being that person. The most important thing to do is to keep the dialogue open. Your role as the spouse/partner is to show love and support through their time of need. Consider your role as CEO…that is, Chief Encouragement Officer. Our identities are linked to what we do, so the loss of a job often creates an identity crisis. You must be the one to focus them on the positives, to motivate them to get back up and to find ways that the experience can help you grow closer not further apart. Remember CEO (Chief Encouragement Officer).

While encouraging, it is OK to provide advice, but it must be framed properly. The last thing you want to do is to “should” on the person. You should do this; you should do that… Stop “shoulding” on them. Instead, focus on helping them to build greater self-awareness. Below are three ways you do this:

1) Provide your spouse with your assessment of their superpowers and their Kryptonite. Let them know when you think they are at their best as well as what trips them up. Your perspective can be extremely helpful. Make certain that the words you use to describe their superpowers are used in their resume.

2) Help them let go of the past, move past the grief stage and to be positive. Your state of mind and the way you offer encouragement, inject humor, and find opportunities to bring enjoyment to them is important. Begin a daily ritual with your spouse/partner that includes each of you sharing one thing you appreciate about each other every day. That simple act of sharing a point of appreciation boosts an individual’s self-worth and it can be helpful to you as well. Check out this blogpost for more: Do You Have A Daily Ritual?

3) The best way to cheer yourself up is to help someone else. Volunteering together is a great way to rebuild self-worth. Volunteering at a homeless shelter or another non-profit together is a great way to do good while feeling better. And you never know who you or your spouse/partner might meet. Networking happens everywhere!

There are many online resources for couples, and I would encourage you to seek them out. As you work through this together, remember the importance of patience. Career transition takes time. People heal at varying rates and it is important to give your spouse/partner the time and space they need. Do your best to keep your emotions in check and be certain to do some self-care as well. You must be physically and mentally healthy in order to be a good support to your spouse/partner take care of yourself as well.

Finally, since financial strains are always one of the biggest stressors in a relationship and job loss can obviously cause financial strain, it is critical to speak openly about this and get aligned about spending.

During the webinar I shared a list of twenty-four highly successful people who all experienced job loss. The point is that there should be no shame in it. Adversity builds resilience and character. Better days are ahead, but one of the reasons you chose to be together in the first place is that you felt you could weather life’s storms together. There is power in numbers, so be a supportive teammate during their time of need. Remember you are the CEO.