Who’s the Boss?

Everyone has their own mental model of what it means to be the boss.  This is driven by personal experience working for others and by what we read and see.  Bossing doesn’t require that you are bossy.  That sounds a bit strange turning the word boss into a verb or adverb, but it carries with it certain connotations.  As an executive coach I work with CEOs and senior leaders across various companies and industries.  Each of these clients is a boss in that they are responsible for their performance and the performance of others.  Marriam Webster’s definition of a boss is “a person who exercises control or authority”.  This leads me to an important coaching question.  Do you see your role and job responsibility being to “exercise control or authority over your organization and your team?”  If the answer is yes, then I challenge the client as to whether they are leading or managing.

The terms leadership and management are often used interchangeably, but they are very different activities that require different skill sets.  Previously I wrote an article entitled, Why There is No Such Thing as Micro-Leadership that sought to differentiate between leadership and management.  Being a boss and acting bossy is a form of management.  It is about exercising control and authority.  Leading people is a very different approach that is empowering, trusting and learning focused.  I have one client in particular whose mental model for being an executive is to have the answers, to delegate tasks and to control the organization.  He is a boss not a leader.  This has created several challenges within his organization.  While he trusts people from an integrity standpoint, he does not trust their competencies to do their jobs with excellence.  This lack of trust leads to a strong tendency to micro-manage.

A New Mental Model

So how do we break the cycle when an executive has the mental model that frames them as a boss and therefore they see their role as controlling and exercising authority?  One approach that I have found effective is to help the executive reframe their role from boss to coach.  I ask the question,

“What if you stop being the boss and reframe your role as being a coach?” 

I go on to explain that I am their coach, I don’t exercise authority over them.  I do serve as an accountability partner, but my main goal it to help them be their best self.  I ask questions, I help them consider alternative course of action, I help them put themselves in the shoes of their team members and I help them see that they need to continue to learn and grow.  By sharing my role and how I model behaviors for them, I show them the way they can evolve with their team.  Marriam-Webster defines a coach as “one who instructs or trains”.  There is a big contrast being a coach and being a boss.  For many executives making this shift is very challenging, but it can truly unlock the potential within a team.  Often an executive’s own growth is the limiting factor in the scalability of their organization.  They must adopt a learning mindset for themselves and the organization.  Bossing doesn’t scale, but coaching does.

Recently I led a multi-day offsite for a client organization.  The CEO of the organization insisted that we start the offsite with a dinner on the first evening. Rather than making reservations at a restaurant, he invited the leadership team to his house.  He did not hire a caterer, instead he and his wife prepared the entire meal for the team.  This servant leadership approach was a great way to model his leadership style.  He does not boss people around, instead he coaches, mentors, and leads his team.  The home cooked meal set the tone for the entire offsite. 

Being a CEO or senior executive is not easy.  You carry responsibility for the results of the organization.  That responsibility often leads to a tendency to try to control and boss people around.  It is important for executives to curb this urge.  As I stated above a coach can be a strong accountability partner and drive results, but through an approach that is socratic, empowering and developmental. It is time to reconsider your mental model of your position and to reframe your role as coach if you want to unlock your own potential and more importantly the potential of your team.